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The Lessons of Robert L. Payton (1926-2011)
My mentor (and all-around amazing human),
Robert L. Payton, passed away earlier this year. This past weekend, he was honored in a series of memorial events in Indianapolis, the site of the
Center on Philanthropy at Indiana University, for which he was the founding visionary. Mr. Payton had a life-changing influence on me, as he did on so many other students, including 12 yearly cohorts of Jane Addams Fellows. It was his conceptual framework for the field of philanthropy that formed the core of our book together,
Understanding Philanthropy: Its Meaning and Mission.
Below is the text of my remarks at his formal memorial service. A live capture of the event is here (my part starts at 13:30). Rusty Stahl of EPIP (one of those Jane Addams Fellows) also organized a panel of former students, and the live capture of that is here (skip ahead to 18:30 for the start).
Memorial Remarks, Oct. 1, 2011
It is my role here to speak on behalf of the former students of Mr. Payton – or rather, for those of us who learned from him as students. I dare not try to speak for everyone who was a student of Mr. Payton, for that would probably include everyone in this room.
Mr. Payton’s former students are relatively small in number, but we are zealous in devotion to his mission. We are now doing diverse and meaningful work, all across the globe. That may sound immodest, but I see it as pride in my colleagues and admiration for what Mr. Payton continues to accomplish through us.
One of us is teaching college in Tunisia, one couldn’t be here today because he’s on a plane to Kenya for work, and one is doing community organizing in the newest country on earth, South Sudan. Here in the U.S., Payton’s acolytes are doctors and lawyers and professors and fundraisers and grantmakers and businesspeople and stay-at-home moms and dads, and all sorts of others engaged deeply in their communities all around the country.
I take heart in knowing that Mr. Payton would be proud. And I also know that he would say this is exactly as he planned it.
Before I go further, though, let me explain why I call him “Mr. Payton.” I do so because he told me to do so. On one of the first couple days I started to work for him in 1989, I wrote “Bob” in the “To” field of a memo (we still wrote things by hand in those days). He sent it back to me with “Bob” crossed out and “Mr. Payton” written in – I still have that piece of paper, actually. Initially, I thought he did that because he was my boss, but later that day he gave another explanation. And it is that explanation that has kept me doing as I was told for 22 years now (half my life), even as I have gotten to be old enough to be a “Mr.” myself.
Mr. Payton explained that he wanted me to call him “Mr. Payton” not as a way to establish his authority or induce my reverence. He didn’t need a title for that, frankly. Instead, it was because it signified what he wanted our relationship to be – it was to be a mentorship, very deliberately.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but that mentorship would change my life. Again, he would say that he meant it to.
The same could be said for the dozens of other young people whom he asked to call him Mr. Payton in the years following, and who’s lives were also profoundly changed by their mentor. And when I say this, I do not just mean that he transformed our professional lives. Certainly he taught us about philanthropy, often in the uniquely effective way of letting us browse his library until we found a book that incited our passion – either pro or con – and then helping us find the connection to philanthropy that could explain our discovery, and could give us a direction for our passion.
But Mr. Payton was also our personal mentor as well as professional one. He taught us how to live as good people while we sought to build a good society through philanthropy. He showed us how to live a life of "meaning, purpose, and hope," how to find joy even as we fight society’s sorrows, how to smell the roses while we are trying to reform the garden.
He taught us these lessons as much by his actions as his words. We saw how he sought out meaningful connections with others, regardless of their apparent status. We saw how he revered his wife, loved his family, and was unashamedly smitten by every single child he encountered. Those of you who were ever with him when he saw a toddler waddling by know what I’m talking about. He would stop even the most serious conversation with the most important person to marvel at the sight, a huge smile spreading across his face.
He mentees learned from him in this way as well.
There is a lot of talk in history books (at least old history books) about “great men.” By any measure Mr. Payton qualifies as a “great man.” Certainly his formal biographical list of accomplishments shows this. But I think it was the qualities of the man that do
not show up on such a list that provide the most compelling evidence for his greatness.
One such piece of evidence is that when you talk to people who knew Mr. Payton, they often tell the story in loving detail about the first time they met him.
He was the sort of person who you remembered meeting for the first time.
My own experience was that, as a college senior, I sought his advice about pursuing a career in philanthropy. His response was to tell me that I should seriously consider working in the corporate world instead, and he threw in a pithy John D. Rockefeller quote about how the best thing you can give someone is a job. He was so persuasive that I was seriously considering applying to business school, but luckily he offered me a job before I could do so.
That is an example of the powerful impression a great man makes.
In his case, the powerful impression came through in his writing as well – his wonderful, lyrical, inspired writing. Mr. Payton wrote in a journal most every day, especially later in life. He once said to me that he spent a couple hours every morning “having a conversation with myself” in that writing. Hearing that, I was reminded of the John F. Kennedy quote from the night he hosted a White House dinner attended by every living American Nobel laureate. Kennedy said, “There has never been a greater concentration of intellectual power here at the White House, except when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”
I venture to say there was never a more interesting conversation than the one in which Mr. Payton sat alone writing to himself.
Finally, as many of you remember, Mr. Payton often started his speeches with a bit of advice he pulled from one of his favorite thinkers, William James. In one of his
Talks to Teachers, James said that one should seek to make
only one point in a lecture. Mr. Payton then quoted “Payton’s corollary to James’ Law”: one should seek to make
at least one point in a lecture.
So let me conclude with my one big, serious point. It is about how we should commemorate him.
When faced with the passing of a loved one, Mr. Payton believed deeply in the rightness of one specific approach to mourning: that we should not mourn our loss, but rather, we should be grateful for what that person gave us while we had them with us.
This encouragement to focus on what we could be thankful for was the first thing Mr. Payton said to me when we first spoke on the phone after the love of his life, his wife of 60 years, passed away. He would be proud to know that it was also the first thing David said to me when he called to say his father had passed.
I think his most powerful statement of this message of gratitude in the face of loss, though, come from one example of his wonderful writing. It’s in an incredible letter, which I know many of you have read, written in Garden City, NY, on November 4, 1982, the day after hearing that his oldest son Joe had died in Rwanda. As visitors to the Joseph and Matthew Payton Library will know, this was the second such unimaginable loss that he and Polly and David had felt – Matthew had died 9 years earlier.
In the face of such tragedy Mr. Payton wrote not of cosmic injustice or anger or even sadness, but of the joys of Joe’s life and of his awe for Joe’s devotion to good works in difficult places. That is, he wrote of what he was grateful for, not sad about.
He wrote:
“Polly and I have learned some things about the meaning of life and the meaning of love and the meaning of family, and if we could somehow share them we would. We have been blessed by friends and parents and brothers and sisters and children in ways that make us feel very specially privileged…. [Let me pause to remind you that this was
the day after he heard the tragic news, and he was using words like “
blessed” and “
privileged.”] Joe lived a full and honorable life, and died while passionately engaged in his honorable work… God is great, and merciful, and life goes on.”
Mr. Payton wrote similar things about Matthew and about Mrs. Payton, highlighting what he learned from them, and what he was thankful for.
So I say let’s all learn one final lesson from him, as his students. Let’s adopt his approach to mourning and let’s remember:
Mr. Payton lived a "full and honorable life."
We have been "blessed" and "specially privileged" to have had him influence our lives so profoundly, and we are grateful for that.
And yes, "life goes on." In gratitude to him, let us live it in the way he taught us.
-Michael Moody
Frey Foundation Chair for Family Foundations and Philanthropy
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